My vampire snail went missing on Halloween. Coincidence? I think not.

I have a pet snail! How awesome is that?

I mean, it’s not like a real pet. Like, I don’t have a leash for it or anything. Maybe I should explain.

So this snail has been coming into our house for weeks. It only ever comes in around midnight and it always leaves before dawn, which leads me to believe it might be a vampire snail. Either that or it just has a really accurate little snail-watch. Also, it never leaves the two square meters of space immediately adjoining our front door. I kind of grew really attached to the punctual slime monster, and I had to keep telling people to watch their step at night and not to kill it, and then I started writing exams and everything went down smoothly, and naturally I assumed that the snail was good luck.

I named him Snail, because I was afraid that if I gave him a real name he would start feeling pressured to be a house-snail and be all domesticated and shit. But it seems that even Snail was too much, because last night while I was studying he never showed up. And I should know, because I stayed up all night and I kept checking.

I felt abandoned, and friendless, and was sure I was going to fail now that my good luck charm was gone.  But then my exam went even better than the exam for the first part of that module and I actually finished before the time was up, and then I got to thinking: Holy shit. All that time, was Snail actually holding me down? I felt betrayed.

And then I forgot all about the Snail debacle because I realized that IT’S HALLOWEEN. I haven’t slept much for the past week and shit’s been so hectic that I hadn’t even remembered the best holiday.

Let me say that again: THE. BEST. FUCKING. HOLIDAY.

For those of you who live in countries where trick-or-treating is a thing, have fun literally taking candy from strangers. I’ll be over here, catching up on lost sleep. Yeah, it’s obvious which one of us is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. (Hint: it ain’t you).

So…

Happy Halloween motherfuckers! Have fun and don’t step on any snails.