You guys remember Snail? If you don't, you might want to go read that post first.
See how I ended that post telling everyone not to step on any snails? Well, I'm a hypocrite, because that's exactly what I did.
Let me explain. Snail was missing for days, so I kind of assumed that he wasn't going to show up again, and the very fucking night I stopped leaving the light on in the entryway was the night I stepped on him. Grossed out and guilty were fighting for the position of Dominant Emotion, and I fled down the corridor and woke up my grandmother to take him away. She told me that he was still alive, but I thought she was just saying that to make me feel better, and for the next two days I felt completely horrible.
So imagine my surprise when he fucking showed up again, having taken just two days to recover from the Snailish equivalent of a moving mounting squashing him. It turns out that I had only stepped on the very end of his body (his tail?), and when I was done celebrating his return I thought about it for a second and figured it made total sense that he was back, because people are always making creams out of snail gel because of its regenerative properties, right? So Snail regenerated. He's a fucking superhero. I call him FrankenSnail now.
Anyway, my happy vibes woke up my grandmother (or maybe it was me yelling at her), and she put some breadcrumbs right next to FrankenSnail and he actually ate them. It took him like an hour to eat two crumbs and then he was full, and I think we can all identify with that because how filling are breadcrumbs? So filling. Since we're giving him food now I think its safe to say he's officially a pet.
I wanted to take a photo of him as evidence, but he hasn't shown up in a while. I assume he's just out being a badass, probably being chased by chased by angry snail villagers with tiny little snail torches and ants as bloodhounds because his family thought he was dead and when he showed up on their leaf they were all "OMG. BURN THE ABOMINATION!"
Or maybe he's just taking a few days off to digest all those breadcrumbs. I know I would.